The night of time far surpasseth the day, and who knows when was the Æquinox?

Why is it that there are so many words for impermancence?

Transience, evanesence, fleeting, ephemeral, short-lived momentary temporary temporal passing brief transitory fugacious

All the while a great fly-by of time. Mono no aware.

Truant writes:

"Up in the sky-high,
Off to the side-eye,
All of us now sigh,
Right down the drain-ae"

Elsewhere in of Leaves Zampanò quotes Ernst Becker:

"The lower animals ... lack a symbolic identity and the self-consciousness that goes with it. They merely act and move reflexively as they are driven by their instincts. If they pause at all, it is only a physical pause; inside they are anonymous, and even their faces have no name. They live in a world without time, pulsating, as it were, in a state of dumb being. This is what has made it so simple to shoot down whole herds of buffalo or elephants. The animals don't know that death is happening and continue grazing placidly while others drop alongside them. The knowledge of death is reflective and conceptual, and animals are spared it. They live and they disappear with the same thoughtlessness: a few minutes of fear, a few seconds of anguish, and it is over. But to live a whole lifetime with the fate of death haunting one's dreams and even the most sun-filled days—that's something else."

On the most sun-filled days-

Sounds like the half-audible inhilation I take half-hearing the half-sentence of an already out of reach conversation. Familiar voice. But it makes sense. "Death is the sound of distant thunder at a picnic" after all. So up in the sky-high I'm smiling and laughing and laughing in a green-hazed field laughing so much with someone at my sides I'm almost gasping and choking with laughing so I look to the side-eye and

Oh.

Grey clouds.

"Until at last, limping past another turn.
Thuuuuuuuuuuuuunder.
"""""""""""""""""""

And also to the side-eye
No friend, acquaintance
or even accomplice.

                             Just the clouds.

All of us now sigh. It seems the whole world sighs with me. Or maybe it's the sound of ... yes-


Concrete sighs; rain begins to fall.


The walls of mist. Deliquescent deluge covers the evanescent earth, making it a great blue world. Though not so great.

The Hyades weep. They always do. It doesn't get easier for them, just more familiar.That's one kind of constancy I suppose.

But even I can't trick myself into believing that, and I'm the lord of lies. Oh yes, I've tricked myself into believing lots of things. So many of them, like rainfall, drops that seep through my clothes. Sure it's refreshing at first, and the air feels clearer. For a second you even believe that you can breathe. But the water reaches your skin. Cold creeps into your bones and ice learns to reside there. It might shatter. It might melt. I'm terrified of both. Yeah, I think it's the shattering. Of course, when it starts to melt it gets weaker, more likely to snap anyway. Every move I take might make it break apart, all of it, like my memory, my notes, I can't let that shatter be rended apart in a slash so sudden it stuns you  but before you can be stunned you're already oblivion and your pieces scatter into such small bits that you can't make them out through the rain that keeps falling oh god that so so cold rain isn't stopping it wont STOP